Sacred, Slutty Overwhelm

I shared my heart with them, my fear, and my desire.. to be fully filled.

It’s no secret that group sex can be fertile grounds for triggers to arise. Is it even possible to navigate this gracefully, or will it inevitably lead to jealousy? Maybe it works best when all involved are single- no heart strings attached. But what about when it involves devotional love- will adding other energies taint the union?

Let me tell you about the night that could’ve ruined my relationship and instead healed the unintegrated parts of my Madonna/Whore complex.

It was another hot, humid day in Bali. Our skin was soaked with rain and sweat. We sat in a small restaurant while Alex told me he was more open to this group experience than I was making it seem- that he felt unheard in his desire and out of the loop in the final decision making. He was right. I had assumed. Our conversation went back and forth, comically driving the people seated next to us away. I listened as he shared his heart and loving frustrations. 

The dialogue amused me as I thought I had made the “easier” decision that Alex wasn’t fully into having a threesome with me and another man. I didn’t want to pressure him, or make it seem like I wasn’t fully satisfied with just him- I’d done that with ex lovers and didn’t want to make the same mistake again. But the difference here.. those ex lovers would’ve rejoiced at me not bringing up group sex and denying the opportunity when it came, while Alex is deeply rooted in his self confidence and devoted to my full expression. And.. he also just fucking matches my freak ;)

This wasn’t our first rendezvous with group play, but it was the first of this specific dynamic- him, me, and another man. An old friend of mine who was in Bali at the same time as us messaged wanting to reconnect. I hadn’t seen him in 8 years- he moved across the world and has a wife and kids now. He was one of the first people I started exploring conscious group experiences with. We lived together, worked together, and have a rich history of trust, play and deep healing together. We were never romantic lovers, but we do love each other deeply. It’s one of those important friendships you have an inkling will be in your life forever, even if you don’t talk much. 

As the time of our reunion crept closer, he messaged “Are you still into freaky stuff?”

I giggled and told Alex immediately. I was honest in my response, that I’m in a devoted relationship that’s circumstantially open. We aren’t poly in the way that’s a free for all. But there are certain situations where the heart rumbles and loins purrrr, and with open communication, can be revelled in. When I told Alex, I wasn’t even sure I was open to the concept.. I was just sharing in transparency and possibility. When we all met it was wrapped in the chaos of the city. My friend prompted me to see if we’d thought about his proposal, I answered “I don’t think it’s the best time..” explaining that I didn’t feel Alex was a full fuck yes. He was fully understanding and didn’t push- I didn’t feel any disappointment from him, just acceptance. Turns out he brought this up with Alex, saying no hard feelings yada yada yadaaa.. which leads us to the conversation Alex and I were having in that small restaurant. 

He lovingly corrected me. Insisting he doesn’t want me to feel like I need to dim myself, or push my desires aside to keep him happy. He reminded me that he’s a man who can make his own decisions. My eyes opened to a relationship where I can truly have it all. What it’s like to have a man who wants all of me, who can handle it and encourages even more. 

We rode the motorcycle to my friend’s villa. It was late. Hearts open and tender from processing, nerves slightly tickling the spine. J was on the porch smoking a cigarette when we arrived. We joined him, lighting our own clove laced tobacco to share. He let us know that his wife was excited for us and was out on a date of her own. The ice broke quickly as we shared some of the emotional processing we’d done, and we all agreed to start with the RBDSM practice. This practice is an incredible tool to use before connecting with someone new, and especially great before group experiences. It’s essentially a communication guide to ensure everyone has the safest, sexiest time they can. 

R - (relationship) What is the nature of this connection? Friendship, play partner, lover, self, spirit, client, etc. Understanding the container clarifies expectations & deepens trust.

B - (boundaries) What are your yeses, no's, & maybes? Physical, emotional, energetic boundaries. Sovereignty begins with knowing & honouring your edges.

D - (desire) What do you truly want? Not what you think you "should" want. But your raw, honest, sacred cravings..

S - (sexual health) What do you need to feel safe & vibrant in your body? This includes physical health, STI status, cycle awareness, nervous system regulation, trauma-informed care.

M - (meaning) Why does this matter to you? What story or soul purpose is woven into this experience? Is it about healing? Play? Empowerment? Reclaiming? Devotion?

Taking turns sharing, my mind and heart were firing with anticipation. Talking about our desires, expectations, boundaries.. was hot. A mental foreplay that had us giggling and going deep. I think a lot of people have this idea around group sex being this carnal, booze n drug fuelled frenzy. When in reality it can be this- honest, playful, loving, sober. Everyone’s desires can be heard, all boundaries respected and insecurities addressed. I was sitting among two men who I know truly love and respect me. 

I shared my heart with them, my fear, and my desire.. to be fully filled.

Double penetration has been a fantasy of mine for quite some time. It seems like.. a lot.. but also.. that feeling of utter overwhelm? That space of being so completely full that there’s no chance of anything else pervading the brain? Yeah.. I want that. 

And these men were more than willing to give it to me. They even took it further with questions like “Would you like to have us both in your pussy at the same time?” 

Oh.. Oh, gods. I didn’t even think about that, and I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Yes. I want that too. 

J led us to his bedroom and told us to get started without him as he went to grab something. It didn’t take us long as we’re always in the mood to rip each other’s clothes off. When J came back I already had Alex in my throat, delighting in the feeling of him. As he strode in he commented on how hot our sounds were, finding his place behind me. His long fingers caressed my hips as I kept pleasuring my man. It all happened so seamlessly, sexily. Usually there’s a bit of timid awkwardness in the beginning of group play.. this time it was all lust and heat. J’s fingers teased my centre, sinking into the pools of pleasure already building. 

I made sure to stay present energetically, staying sharp on cues that may signal discomfort from Alex. I found none. Only his wicked gaze gleaming down at me, telling me what a good girl I was. And I must’ve been, because this was heaven.

Guiding Alex to lay on his back, I straddled him, gasping as he plunged into me. I was more than ready for him, but his size never ceased to send a pleasurable shock through me. J watched for a few moments, stroking himself and putting a condom on before positioning himself behind me. I leaned forward so my breasts pressed into Alex’s chest while J groped my backside. I wasn’t sure what to focus on- Alex thrusting into me or J’s fingers beginning to tease my ass. This was just the beginning, and that delicious overwhelm was already starting to pour in.

Everything slowed down as J gently plunged into me, he and Alex finding a steady rhythm as they filled both my holes. Holy, fuck. A few deep breaths. Excitement building as they took me. “Slow, slow” I rasped. I gave myself to them.

My vision clouded with stars and rosey gold hues. It was everything I fantasized about and more. Our breaths synchronized and it all felt magick, deeply attuned. Their moans adorned the symphony of my screams, coaxing us deeper into this erotic melody.

I demounted Alex, crawling down to take him in my mouth once more. J put on a new condom and took me from behind, switching holes. “Fuck your pussy feels so good, especially after his cock has been in it” 

I moaned with a full mouth, gazing up at Alex. How would my lover look at me while I had another man thrusting into me? His eyes were glazed with lust. His lips twisted in a devilish grin. He loved it. His look said “show him how good it can be, baby girl” and so I did. Back arched, I ground my hips into J to meet his thrusts, sending him into ecstasy. 

Before I knew it I was on my knees, with both of them standing over me. Their cocks towered over my face, dripping with my juices. I couldn’t contain my joy, the pure playfulness in this moment of men waiting for me to devour them. And that’s precisely what I did. 

Taking turns, I slid my mouth down the whole length of one, and then the other, then back to the first, and back to the other.. Stroking J while going down on Alex, and vice versa. And then.. I took them both into my mouth. It was all experiment and no technique. A moment to simply enjoy the offerings of two beautiful men. As much as I gave myself to them they also gave themselves to me. 

It wasn’t long before I was straddling Alex again, bouncing with a fervent passion. I pressed my chest into him again as J teased my already full entrance from behind. With some patience and breaths, J nudged himself into me as I let out a guttural moan. I didn’t know what it’d feel like having two cocks in my pussy. I didn’t even know it was possible. But here we are, deep in ecstasy, having every part of me obliterated in the name of pleasure.

The sounds that rumbled from me were like nothing I’ve heard before. The men were fully whisked into the ecstatis with me. They traded sentiments. How amazing it felt. How they could feel each other. How good I was taking it. 

We all became one. The connecting link? My pussy. How fucking powerful women and our bodies are!! 

I have no idea how they managed to find a rhythm so perfectly synchronized. The flow of it all was immensely natural, easy. Every micro-movement was euphoric. Wands of love lulling me into deeper receivership.

I thought having both holes filled was going to be the intense peak of this experience.. but having both of them in the same hole.. it was simultaneously an out-of-body and “I’ve never been more in my body” experience. Pure rapture. I could feel their love pouring into me through their cocks, like literal strands of light filling me. 

Electric. Devotional. Raunchy. Sacred.

My orgasm came on fast and intense- I couldn’t have stopped it even if I tried. “Oh my Gods, I’m coming on your cocks!” I moaned as pleasure wrung me out from the inside. 

Their affirming groans and whispers sent me catapulting over the edge, riding wave after wave of orgasmic bliss. We stayed there as they pulled out every ounce of pleasure my body would give. And then.. I’m on all fours again, taking J into my mouth as Alex stands at the edge of the bed fucking me from behind.

“Aubrey, you are such a fucking Goddess, and such a little slut” I hear one of them say.

I’m a puddle of indulgence now, lapping up all they give. Alex paws at every rousing part of my body and J moans in delight. Alex’s hand snakes up my spine to fist my hair as he pushes my head down on J’s cock, his next three thrusts are more vigorous and.. the momentary disappointment of emptiness is replaced by the warmth of him spilling himself onto my bum.

I giggle, gasping, equally aroused and amused that pushing my head down on another man's cock is what sent my lover over the edge. 

There’s a moment of pause, the focus shifting to Alex’s explosive orgasm. J is trying to check in on Alex and how he’s feeling but I just smirk, knowing my man. 

J’s concern is in how for many men, if they’re the first to cum in a group play experience, may feel guilty or inadequate because that usually means they’re “done”. The post-nut clarity of.. “is this still really what I want?” As I slink over to Alex to lick the seed from his cock, I know he’s not done. He’s already rock hard again in my mouth. 

Alex threw me on my back, pulling my hips down to meet his on the side of the bed. I laid there, wrapping my legs around his waist as he sank into me. J was kneeling at my head as I teased him with my tongue. “God you guys are so fucking hot” he gasped as he watched Alex’s length sliding in and out of me.

He plunged himself fully into my mouth as Alex did the same between my legs. J held both my arms down on the sides of my head as Alex held my thighs down. I was fully restrained, above and below. Delicious. 

“I really want you to come” I nearly begged J between breaths. And that was all it took. He pulled out of my mouth, releasing himself onto my breasts as Alex poured himself onto my belly for a second time.

We collapsed in a sweaty tangle of limbs, cuddling, exasperated. We laughed and groaned, already reminiscing on the magick moments we created. J told us it was the best threesome he’d ever had, and ticked off so many unfulfilled fantasies in one go. Knowing how versed he is in group play, Alex and I took this compliment with cheeky pride. We went outside to share another smoke and chat about after care desires. 

We were all feeling vibrantly alive, full of love, and playfully delirious. By the time we were leaving J’s wife had arrived back, we hugged her and said goodbye. And it was such an interesting sensation, feeling almost like we’d “been caught”. Like what we were just doing, even though it was all consensual and celebrated, was somehow wrong. A conditioning of shame that runs so deep, it was a sweet lil surprise to come up and be released at the end of this experience.

Alex and I rode back to our own villa in a well-fucked daze. And made love again. The next morning I woke to my bleed, and my lover took me out to have steak for breakfast before we set out on a road trip to the mountains. As I sat on the back of the motorcycle driving through winding roads, I fantasize about all the fantasies I’ve already fulfilled. About all the ways this man makes me feel. About how I’ve never felt more integrated in my house wife and whore-y ways. I fantasize about the life that’s to come with this love, and all the delectable, lucky people we get to share it with.